your parents love me but you hate me
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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