people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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