Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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