Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
