WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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