Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
