I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
