so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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