Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
and she was petting her beer can
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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