You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
