What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
