we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
