I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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