He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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