Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
