I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
