you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She's the barista slut.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
