Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
