God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
