My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
