is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
