i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
