mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He shit in the fireplace
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
