all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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