I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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