I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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