Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize