yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
