It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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