nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
