and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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