We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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