If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Randomize
