were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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