I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
