This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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