Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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