Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
