So drunk its hurt
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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