Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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