it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
