honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
