'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
