Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
