That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
