i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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