you guys were way drunker than both of me
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
