It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
