guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
