My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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