I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
