return my video game
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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