I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
