Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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