You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
