She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
