the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
