omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
