there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
