I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
jump out the window naked night went bad
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
