my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
