I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
