I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
