peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize