Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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