he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
