I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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