Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
