dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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