In the future we'll all be gay
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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