Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize