By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
