I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
