she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
