I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
