is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
