Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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