I wish I only lived at night.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She bit a glass in half.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize