DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
