Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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