____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
