If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
