Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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