I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
