didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
