you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize