Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
