forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The power of my boobs compel you
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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