I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
