Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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