But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
