i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I am full of burrito and curiosity
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I woke up under a house in Key West
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
