1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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