I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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