and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
