The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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