Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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