Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
