u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
