You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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