Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Boobs speak an international language.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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